Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew's island paradise.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Anyone who comes to Lee Kuan Yew's creation, Singapore island, is first struck by it's cleanliness. The streets are so clean, you can almost eat your Chinese noodles with chopsticks straight off the pavement! But there is a reason for this. And it is not because Singaporeans are congenitally born clean. The reason is Big Brother, meaning Lee Kuan Yew. He is watching you. Beware.

The government needs to keep the streets clean to encourage foreign investors to invest.  They wouldn't do it if you had dirty streets would they? Which is why there is a hefty fine for anyone who litters. It is something like $500.00 the first time and a jail term the second. In any case it brings in an enormous amount of revenue in fines. So either way it is a win win situation. The streets are clean. If not we get your money.

And there are police both in uniform, incognito beyond every wall nook and corner to catch litter bugs. Singapore has the largest number of police both in uniform and undercover, security officers, and intelligence men. Your every movement is watched. Big Brother is watching you.

We pay our Ministers $3.7 million a year, five times what President Obama gets. If anyone calls this corruption, we will sue them. We have to pay them this money because if we don't they will become corrupt. So what do you want? A corrupt minister or one that is paid $3.7 million a year? Decide. Now you see the argument, I hope. In any case you can complain as much as you want. We just don't care. We will do whatever we want.

Have you noticed, Singapore has no strikes. Not because the workers are so happy and contended. Strikes are bad for foreign investment. Americans will not invest in a country with strikes. So we have to make strikes illegal. Anyone who strikes is promptly arrested and sent to jail to deter others of even thinking of striking. We have to make labor conditions attractive to the employers. This way there will be more work for everyone. So Singapore does not have any strikes. We have to think of the what is good for the employer. Local Singapore workers are nothing. Please understand that.

Singapore's trains and buses always run on time. If any driver is late or does not turn up for work we just sack him. We have to show a good image to foreigners who invest in the island. They will not come if train drivers are late and unpunctual. What is important is the image we create to the West and to investors. We rely on them for our livelihood. The rights of local Singaporeans unless you belong to Lee Kuan Yew's family or his party will be ignored. The average Singaporean is nothing. Business is everything. Always remember that.

There are no race relations laws in the island. Why because we have to make it as attractive as possible to employers. Employers who prefer Chinese wouldn't be happy if we told them they had to take a Malay. Forcing them to be racially fair would damage our business interests and turn away empoyers. Remember we should not do anything that makes it inconvenient for employers because employers are everything, the local Singaporean is nothing.

There are no minimum wage laws in Singapore. Why, because once again we have to make working conditions attractive for employers. Only then would they invest in the island and we will prosper. By looking after the interest of the silly local office boy, Singapore does not benefit. That is why employers are allowed to pay workers any wage they want. If workers are unhappy, they could always kill themselves. As it is now, there was 471 suicides a year, or about 2 a day. We don't mind if it is 3. If these poor people die, it will not hurt the Singapore economy. But it will hurt it if the employers are unhappy. So if you have no money, go kill yourself. It is very easy. Simply jump from your government owned high rise apartment.

People do not have the freedom of speech. Denying the people freedom of speech is good for the economy. We don't want people to be going around criticizing our Ministers because their reputation might be damaged. And if their reputation is damaged, they will not be able to do the good work they now do. Their feelings would be hurt. Also it would adversely affect their ability to rule. So we have denied the islanders the freedom of speech. The people don't need freedom of speech to survive. So there is no harm in denying freedom of speech. Moreover if people criticize their government foreign investors may think there is something wrong with the Ministers. We don't want to give that impression. It is bad for business.

We do not allow freedom of assembly. This will create disruption to the economy. Moreover others might be emboldened to do this. This will disrupt work among the population, and block streets and alleyways. Foreign investors might be put off and discouraged from investing in the island. Demonstrations and protests are bad for business and we have made it illegal. Singaporeans are not allowed to protest. The only place they can do it is at Hong Lim Park even though your grievance may have nothing to do with Chinatown but with Semabawang Shipyard. Sorry you cannot protest outside Sembawang Shipyard but only at Hong Lim Park. If no one knew about your protest, it is your problem not mine.

Chinese are preferred over Indians and Malays in Singapore. That is why the government continues to bring in Chinese immigrants from China to boost their numbers. Singapore does not accept any Malays. Why because the Malays are lazy and will not work as hard as the Chinese. Moreover the Malays and Indians complain more than the Chinese. Chinese are Confucian and do as they are told. We like that. Singapore relies a great deal on Communist China for it's business and therefore we have to show them that we racially discriminate in favor of the Chinese. The Malays and Indians are simply too weak and can do nothing if we ignore them. That is why we will do whatever we want and continue to import plane loads of Chinese.

Singapore has the best legal system and the best judges in the world. Singapore's rule of law is respected across the world. It is the world's busiest legal hub. If anyone says otherwise, he is an ignorant fool. And if your persist in criticizing our legal system, we will charge you with contempt of court. We cannot allow anyone to malign our legal system because it will adversely affect business to do that. Have you seen anyone criticizing Singapore legal system? No, you have therefore answered your own question.

If anyone vandalizes property or commits drug or serious crime, we will cane (beat) them. Once we give someone a beating like that, he will never commit any crime again. We want to break his will and his spirit. In any case, those who commit such crimes are local Singaporeans who are unimportant. We can ignore them. They are nothing. Surely it is good to beat and torture people so that you purge them of their criminal proclivity. We want to see an island of good people and if we have to torture you to achieve it, we will do it.

Singapore also produces bad people like Gopalan Nair. He is a bad man and decided to criticize our judges and our legal system. He decided to run away to America. He is a traitor. We have sent him to jail and held him in solitary confinement, disbarred him from practicing law in Singapore and deported him. As result he cannot enter Singapore the paradise island anymore.  Yet he still persists in criticizing us by writing his silly blogs from America. We have completely ignored him and have warned Singaporeans not to read his blog Singapore Dissident and not to follow in his footsteps. Many Singaporeans have followed the government's advice and have refused to read his blog or have anything to do with him. They don't want  to suffer the punishment that Gopalan Nair had to endure. They want Gopalan Nair to be declared the most hated man in Singapore.

People are not allowed to chew gum. Gum can be messy. People have stuck gum on train doors causing it to break down. We don't want trains to break down. Therefore we have decided to make it a criminal offense to import gum. We don't care if the rest of the world is laughing at us for this. We are the best island in the world.

We don't have a free press. Every newspaper is owned and controlled by the government. A free press is bad because if we allow anyone to write anything they want, local Singaporeans may write bad things about our beloved leader Lee Kuan Yew or his beloved son. If this happens, they would lose their moral authority to rule. Moreover people will write wrong things about our beloved island which may adversely affect our business. This will drive away foreign investment. It is best if we decide what can be written and published. That way we will know that the news is always correct.

Freedom House has declared that we have no free press and our papers are worse than those in Somalia. This is wrong. Freedom House are a bunch of hippies who run around with flowers in their hair. They are an irresponsible bunch let alone shameless lairs. In fact Singapore newspapers are the best in the world and New York Times have sent delegations to the island to learn how we do it. Last year our beloved leader Lee Kuan Yew seated in his wheelchair, bestowed the world's best newspaper award on our own newspaper the Straits Times. Singapore has the best newspapers in the world.

Last year Singapore workers are found to have worked the longest hours in the world. They are not working that long because they love it. They do it because if they don't they would be fired. After all it is a good thing to be hardworking. It does not matter if you have no leisure at all.

In Singapore, 90 year old men are seen to be working cleaning tables. This is because they don't want to be idle and prefer to be occupied. Tell me, surely it is better to be working than sitting around wasting your time. That is why our citizens who are 90 years old show a good example to others by working cleaning tables.

Singapore is the one country that ticks. Welcome to Lee Kuan Yew's Singapore.

Gopalan Nair
Attorney at Law
A signaporean in exile
Fremont, California, USA
Tel: 510 491 4375
Emmail: nair.gopalan@yahoo.com